Question - please give me your thoughts on this!

Here's 2 questions that I would like your thoughts on.

  • Would you invite someone to your wedding whom you hadn't seen or really spoken to in nearly 5 years and you haven't really even considered a friend for roughly 7?

  • And do you think that said person has a legit reason to still be "hurt" and "angry" over the fact they didn't get invited, nearly 2 years after the fact?

http://literacyconnection.wcpss.net/images/girl%20thinking.jpgHere's the backstory:

This girl and I were somewhat friends in Jr. High - we had a mutual friend in common whom we were both close to and so the 3 of us hung out often.

Then in high school mutual friend went to a different school for a few years, leaving the 2 of us to stay close. She got picked on a lot and me being her friend, a lot of that also got deflected onto me. We had our ups and downs - there were times she hurt me worse than any of the popular kids could have just to make herself feel better, I recall one time in 9th grade she got so mean to me I ended up crying in front of all our classmates on a bus.

Anyways, 11th grade, mutual friend transfers back to our school and we're all back to our trio, but not really, as me and mutual friend were both getting sick of her constant "pity parties" - she had low self-esteem back then it but seemed like she was ALWAYS saying and doing things to make you notice and give her attention - everything had to be about her, she was never happy for anyone else. It got really annoying. Mutual friend and I both called her out on her behavior quite a few times, however she always got mad at me, but stuck like glue to mutual friend - it seemed like even though we both said the same thing, together, mutual friend could do no wrong by her. It baffled both of us. We didn't even pay attention during our first hour history class, as the 3 of us sat in the back of the room, passing notes, constantly getting in arguments over something stupid that she wouldn't drop.

I had had enough and pretty much cut ties with her, only really tolerating her at school and school functions for the sake of mutual friend and to save myself the headache - it was too much of a constant drama fest and headache trying to being her friend. I've told her all this in the past too, and of course she had a fit, but whatever, I was done.

After high school ended, I didn't bother trying to keep contact with her. My freshman year of college, mutual friend came down and visited me a few times throughout the year and we had a lot of fun together. Sophomore year, mutual friend joined us once again for homecoming weekend at college, but the other girl tagged along too; she also tagged along once again when mutual friend came to visit but they both left early that night. The only other time I saw her that semester was when I was in my hometown and mutual friend invited me and my now-ex to come hang out at some house. This was fall 2003.

Flash forward to sometime in early-mid 2008, I somehow come across her on Myspace (I forget who found who) and while we were "friends" on there, we never really talked at all, aside from a rare occasion comment here or there.

My wedding was that September, and as it is, between all my relatives coming that we didn't expect to actually come and all the people my mother in law invited, aside from our bridal party, hubby and I really didn't get to invite a whole lot of friends - he invited 2 co-workers plus dates, I invited 2 old friends I had kept contact with over the years plus their dates, as well as my childhood best friend and her date and a roommate who I had been friends with for years and her date. I had to leave off a handful of co-workers I saw regularly and even former dorm-mates I would have loved to have invited.

A few months later she finds me and mutual friend on Facebook. We learn that she's upset we didn't invite her to our weddings. Mutual friend had her own reasons for not inviting her which it isn't my place to share, however I know her husband would have been pissed at her if she did invite her after the mess that she caused for mutual friend years prior. I didn't even think to invite her as like I said, I hadn't seen or really even had contact with her in nearly 5 years - even if I did want to, I didn't have her address or phone number! Not to mention, like I said, hubby and I had to leave people off the guest list that we would have liked to invited as there were certain people we had to invite and we could only squeeze about 115-120 guests into the reception hall for dinner.

It is a bit ironic though that she keeps bringing up the fact I didn't invite her to my wedding more than she does the fact that she wasn't invited mutual friend's wedding either. It's just another case where we both do/say the same thing to her, but mutual friend can't seem to do any wrong in her eyes.

Was I wrong in not inviting her to my wedding 2 years ago? 

Aren't you just supposed to invite your close friends and family to your wedding and not every single person you've come in contact with or every acquaintance you've had throughout your entire life, including ones you haven't spoken to or seen in years?

What would you have done?


  1. I don't think you need to feel bad about this. She sounds overly sensitive about it... but it was YOUR wedding day and you are allowed to celebrate it with whomever you want. You don't even need to make excuses (like we could only fit so many people in the hall or we only had enough money for X number of people). You can't invite the world to your wedding and she didn't make the cut. End story. Case closed.

    If she keeps bringing it up, maybe ask her why she is still so upset about it? It is silly she keeps bringing it up.

  2. I can imagine that if she's a sort of lonely person she might be sad she wasn't invited to your wedding. I have some friends that I was very close to in high school that I've lost touch with, but I still think of them very fondly and would be delighted if they happened to invite me to their weddings. But at the same time I wouldn't expect them to. I would never complain to them if they didn't.

    She seems kind of unstable and pushy. It's too bad that she feels the way she feels, but you were perfectly reasonable, and she really needs to get over it and stop giving you a hard time.

  3. No way, you were wrong. If I were in your position, I wouldn't have invited her either. You had a limited amount of people you could invite. Surely she can understand that!


What's your thoughts?