I was bullied in junior high and high school. And if you've been
reading for awhile, you know I went to a private Christian school from
kindergarten all throughout high school.
Jr. High... there was no one incident that particularly comes to mind but I do remember crying. A lot. Kids
were mean to each other left and right for no apparent reason. If you
weren't popular you got picked on just because. Either you weren't
wearing the right name brand. You had glasses. You didn't know how to
correctly apply your make-up (I got teased for make-up lines quite a
bit, so much so I didn't wear make-up for years). Anything kids could
make fun of you for, they did. It got so bad I did think of suicide at
times, even trying to suffocate
myself with a pillow once. I often prayed at night for God to just take
me in my sleep.
High school... it seemed a lot of the
jerks left and went elsewhere by the time Jr. High was over, but the
school still had its cliques. While our class got smaller, so did my
ally of friends as many when off to other schools. My freshman year, I
really only had one friend close friend at school and even she wasn't
that great of a friend at times. We had been mutual friends in junior
high - my best friend was also her best friend so when our best friend
went else where for the 1st half of high school, we were kind of left
with each other. She was also the shortest person in our class so
obviously she got teased a lot for that.
There were 2
boys in particular that bullied and harassed us the most during our
freshman year. She had a crush on one of them (why I'll never know, as
he was always a jerk to us), so they teased her about that too. And
since I was her friend, when she wasn't around for them to torment, they
would torment me instead. And what sucked is that her and them all had
last names starting with 'W' and mine a 'Y' so since assigning seats
alphabetically was easier for the teachers, we always got stuck sitting
in the same area of the room together. An entire semester went by with
me constantly pulling spit wads and boogers out of my hair among other
crap they'd throw in it while sitting behind me, constantly have them
whispering mean comments to me during class, constantly kicking the
underneath of my chair during class, distracting me or purposely
knocking my books and papers onto the floor. They would steal pens and
other supplies and personal items out of our backpacks.
Granted,
my friend got it worse than me, although most of this would happen
during class and the teachers would be completely oblivious to it, only
saying when one of us would scream or yell out at them to stop, and even
then, we'd get in trouble for disrupting class and the boys would laugh
and continue to torment us when the teacher wasn't looking.
We
eventually got sick of it and I had the brilliant idea to wrote an
anonymous note to the school administrator addressing everything that
had been happening to us with these 2 boys and we signed it "2 concerned
students". Why anonymous? Simple logic really - if they knew it was us
that tattled on them, they'd harass us and bully us even more.
The
administrator got our letter and addressed the issue, suspending both
boys with an ISS (in school suspension) and made them write us apology
letters saying it would stop. I was relieved. My friend though, having a
crush on one of them (again, I still have no idea why), felt bad that
they got in so much trouble and wrote him and apology letter back,
sticking it in his locker so he'd get it at the end of the day.
The next morning we were called into the office and questioned about her letter. I had told her not to do it,
but what do I know. The administrator felt he was taken for a fool by
her. And he had branded me a liar as when it came up where my mother was
(as we were neighbors with the man and my family had known him for
years) I told him she was at Bible Study that morning. It was a
Wednesday, Bible Study is on Thursday, but what he failed to realize,
ask or bother to let me explain is that my mom was on the leadership
team, which has meetings on Wednesday morning to go over the lesson plan
for the next day. But again, he didn't bother to ask me to clarify, he
just thought I was lying. And sent us both to ISS, violating his own
policy handbook for the school he had written which states a student's
parents would be called before a student was suspended. And we were
forced to write apology letters to our tormentors AND their families. I
completely half-assed my letters, as I didn't even know why I was there
or what I was apologizing for. At one point I was tempted to apologized
that their sons were such horrible rotten kids but I knew that wouldn't
help my case any.
Needless to say, mom picked me up
from school, I told her everything in the car, she called the school as
soon as we got home, furious with them for what happened and them not
notifying her and we had a meeting with the administrator the next
morning before school. He admitted he overreacted and should have let me
explain. It got scratched off my record and THANK GOD for the rest of
high school those boys never talked to me again. The next 3 years our
lockers weren't next to each other, I wasn't in the same room with
them... the rest of the semester the teachers finally got a clue and
moved our desks to opposite sides of the room. It stopped with them.
The
rest of high school was pretty easy, aside from the occasional girl
drama among friends, by the time I was a senior I had a solid group of
friends to hang with so ignoring the people that were mean was easier,
and I was the editor-in-chief of the newspaper and people were kissing
up to me just to get their name or picture into it. I was quite amused!
So... what's the point of me sharing my story?
Well, this week a young girl at my former high school killed herself.
My
sister knew her - they had done trampoline at one of the local gyms
together for at least 4 years and my sis considered her to be like a
younger sister back then. While they were in high school together last
year, there's a 3 grade difference between them so they didn't interact a
whole lot, aside from a "hi how are you?" here and there in the
hallway. Sadly, my sis does recall there were some nasty, mean rumors
going around the school about the girl last year.
My sis
herself was the victim of some nasty, mean rumors as well and was
labeled a slut and a whore by various popular girls and boys all because
some of her friends were guys - it only escalated last year when she
befriended a student who was homeschooled but attended the school for 2
classes so he could play football. They were nothing more than friends -
my sis was seeing her now-husband by then - but she wasn't popular and
he was a football player and yeah... how dare that be allowed! Kids were
spreading rumors that she was selling herself down on 7th Street (the
known area in town where the hookers are) for lunch money too - I
remember my sis staying home from school the rest of the week waiting
for that rumor to stop.
And we're not the only ones to
have been bullied and tormented there in a "Christian" school. Honestly,
all the alumni I'm in touch with still, all look back and talk about
how much they hated their time there. How it was the worst time they
ever experienced. Some had it worse than others, some I had no idea went
through similar torments like I did - it just goes to show, you never
fully known what's going on with those around you - it's easy to put on a
happy face and fake how you really feel when you have to.
The
problem is, the school fails to acknowledge and accept there's a
problem. That this crap happens there, in their Christian school. And
it's been going on for years. I know I'm not the 1st kid to get bullied
and tormented while there. I know there were plenty others. The
administrator that was there that somewhat dealt with my problem, that
was his last year. The current administrator, until this week, has flat
out said this stuff doesn't happen there - I know this for a fact as I
know parents and alumni (I myself have expressed concerns to various
current staff members and even written emails) and even faculty have
tried to bring this to his attention, with him refusing to accept,
acknowledge or believe it! I know for a fact he was told a year ago that
mean, vicious rumors were being spread about students, that good
Christian students were being bullied in his Christian school for simply
trying to be good Christian kids and that it was only a matter of time
until something tragic happened if wasn't taken more seriously. Sadly,
that something tragic happened this week. And I really hope to God it's
an eye-opener to him as this could have been prevented had he listened
instead of being ignorant.
I mean no disrespect for the
girl's family and true friends (and I honestly wonder how many of her
tormentors are now playing the sympathy card rather than acknowledge
that they were part of what drove her to do what she did) - if anything
I'm upset and furious FOR them at the school's lack of preventing it, as
I said, the bullying problem is something that's been ongoing there for
years but was refused to be dealt with when parents and others brought
it to attention. I was told on Facebook tonight I was out of line and
disrespectful for blaming the school the way I did. But the truth is, as
others that backed me up have said, it
needs to be
addressed. If not now, when? We don't want or need more kids killing
themselves while the school continues to deny the fact that there is a
problem.
Yes, I'm aware that private Christian schools really
are no different than public school aside from the uniforms, Bible
classes and weekly chapel services. However when you're spending
thousands of dollars a year on tuition to send your child there, you're
expecting them to have a better, safer experience than they would in the
public schools. You're expecting they wouldn't have to deal with the
crap and be exposed to certain things on the same level as you would in a
public school. When you pay that much money, you expect to get your
money's worth.
And when you have Christian kids being
bullied in a Christian school for trying to be good Christian kids,
there's obviously a problem. And it needs to be addressed. And it's just
sad that this had to happen.
I
hugged Jay extra tight tonight. And while he's too little to understand
and not quite used to concepts of "play nice" and "sharing" yet, I told
him that if anyone is ever mean to him that he can always come to mommy
and daddy and we'll find a way to take care of it. And if he ever is a
bully, well, you can bet your buttons there will be action taken to put a
stop to it.
Were you ever bullied as a kid or teenager?
Have you personally been affect by something like this?
Maybe it's the way I was raised, but I was taught to send thank you notes to people, especially if they gave you a gift. Now I understand, people get busy and don't always get around to them, sometimes it gets to be so past overdue they just didn't see point after so long and I get that so I've come not to expect them despite still sending them out myself.
